Sexual Assault?

Chicago Sun Times: Man Severs Own Penis, Throws It At Officers.

Jakub Fik takes the D-bag honors today for throwing his own bloody penis at the cops. The man was having problems with his girlfriend and went on a destructive rampage in a suburb of Chicago. When confronted by the police, he started throwing knives at the officers. When he ran out of knives, he threw his own penis. He then went into his house to get more knives. The police gave him the Taser treatment and took him into custody. They were nice enough to retrieve his penis and take it to the hospital where it was eventually reattached. No police were harmed by the penis.