Dan Brown

OK, so I haven't read the DaVinci Code, but I have read Angels and Demons, and it was a shitty book. The subject may be intriguing, but Dan Brown is a crappy writer. One thing that got under my skin in Angels and Demons was the protagonist, who I assume is loosely (or not so loosely) based on the author. I just don't buy the premise of a nerdy biblical sholar who all of a sudden becomes 007, solves the caper, and gets the girl.

What if he were an accountant? The book would read like this:

Dan Brown was a successful accountant who managed to stay in shape and hold on to his dignified good looks. Dan is thrown into the thick of a murder mystery at Arthur Anderson's International headquarters, with far reaching implications. It turns out that Arthur Anderson is not an accounting firm at all, but a decades old conspiracy to elevate the children of the Third Reich to positions of power worldwide. Dan is the only one with the knowledge of forensic accounting to break the conspiracy wide open. He audits the books and summons more strength and courage than he thought possible, to shatter Arthur Andersons web of lies. To complicate matters, Dan becomes entangled with a sexy female accountant who holds the key to solving the accounting irregularities. In the end, Dan prevails and wins the heart of the woman. They live happily ever after, until the next adventure.

Dan Brown has become a very wealthy man, so maybe I'm the douchebag here. In any case, his books suck.