Gwinnett County woman embarrasses Georgia

The uptight bitch on the left is Laura Mallory. She wants to ban Harry Potter books in Gwinnett County Schools. Said the busybody, “I think the anti-Christian bias — it’s just got to stop,” Mallory said. “And if we don’t say something, we’ll just keep getting pushed out of the schools. And I pay taxes, too, and I think that gives me a voice to speak out about this.” ” With all of the bad publicity that Georgia has had in the news, runaway bride, courthouse shooting, Cynthia McKinney, immigration legislation, etc, lets hope that this story doesn't make national headlines.

Indonesia-sex crazed freedom haters.

Indonesians don't want Playboy. Indonesians suck. They'll glady take our sex-tourism dollars but don't want our pornography. "The International Labour Organization reported its calculations that 2-14% of the gross domestic product of Indonesia, Malaysia, the Phillipines, and Thailand derives from sex tourism." I'm not a big fan of either sex-tourism or Playboy, but If you've got the latter, the former doesn't seem so bad. H/T to DoubleDawgDareYa for bringing this one to my attention

New Poll Shows 56% of Americans are Dbags

A recent poll from Time Magazine reveals that 56% of respondents favor building a wall that will cover the 2000 miles of the US/Mexican border. Evidently the house bill calling for a 700 mile fence didn't seem unreasonable enough.

This wall would be longer that Handrian's Wall (73 miles), The Maginot Line (only a few hundred kilometers), and about half the distance of the Great Wall of China (4,163 miles.)

From a historical perspective, giant walls haven't generally worked at keeping undesirables out. The Romans were betrayed by a "barbarian conspiracy" in the case of Hadrian's Wall. The French didn't consider that the Germans could walk into France via Belgium (just like they did in the first World War), and the Great Wall of China eventually failed.

The next logical step for these people would be to build a giant ocean wall. After the illegals are thwarted on land, they will naturally take to the sea. We can't let that happen. Of course, illegals still may be able to get through either one of those walls, so a preemptive invasion of Mexico is the safest course of action.

I have a suggestion for the idiots who want to build a massive border wall. Build a little wall around your house and never come out. That will keep those undesirable Hispanics out of your life, and will also keep your dumbass away from me. I'd be happy to pay for it with my tax dollars.

Yes, I know, Ann Coulter again. Shooting fish in a barrel etc. But I saw this new book cover on Drudge and had to bring her back.

Coulter was advanced $3 million for this book by her publisher with a planned release date of 6/6/06.

She's sticking with the anorexic yet predatory pterodactyl look on the cover. Hooray for media whores!

Sam Jackson

Sam Jackson must have some serious child support payments. That's the only way to explain his latest film "Snakes on a Plane."
That's right, it's a movie about and FBI agent (Jackson) who is escorting a mob witness to LA for a trial. The unconventional mob boss decides to kill the witness by unleashing a large amount of badass snakes on the plane.

The trailer starts off with Jackson saying "Enough is enough, (as he cocks his 9mm pistol), I've had it with these snakes!" It then pans to different shots of snakes killing people and Jackson in various states of ass kicking (snake ass that is). It took me about 10 minutes to convince myself that this was not a joke. See for yourself,

Trailer to Snakes on a Plane

This movie is proof of the decline of Western Civilization. Unfortunately, there will be legions of idiots lined up to consume this garbage at $7.50 per ticket. I can't wait for the sequel "Snakes on a bus." Dbags.

Brian Doyle

The selection of today's dailydouchebag couldn't be more obvious. Brian Doyle, the deputy press secretary for the Department of Homeland Security, was arrested at his home yesterday for soliciting sex from a child online and for transmitting pornographic material.

Doyle thought he was talking to a 14 year old girl online but was actually talking to a Polk County, FL sheriff's Detective. "He graphically explained to a 14-year-old girl what he would like to do to her and what he would like her to do to him," Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said.

Doyle is possibly the most inept child predator of all time. In an apparent attempt to impress the 14 year old girl, he clearly identified himself as Brian Doyle from the Department of Homeland Security. He asked her to buy a web cam and photograph herself. When he got home, sheriff's deputies were waiting to arrest him. He later admitted that he "likes young girls."

I can't believe the Department of Homeland Security was dumb enough to hire this guy as their press secretary. With his experience, one would think that Doyle would have been good enough at concealing information to have the sense to conceal his own identity when stalking children online. Maybe he wanted to be caught.

Good riddance to another d-bag.

DeLay

Tom "The Hammer" Delay announced yesterday that he will end his reelection bid and step down from congress soon. The following is a brief list of Delay quotes with helpful translations.

DeLay: "I refuse to allow liberal Democrats an opportunity to steal this seat with a negative personal campaign,"
Translation: "I'm giving up and letting some other poor SOB try to win my seat."

DeLay: "It's time for me to go do something else,"
Translation: "I've run out of political options and will become a lobbyist if they let me."

DeLay: "I think I could have won the seat but it would have been nasty and cost a fortune to do it,"
Translation: "There is no way I could have won the race. With recent scrutiny on my fundraising activities, illegal fundraising would be very difficult."

DeLay: "I feel kind of excited, frankly,"
Translation: "I'm kind of glad this embarrassing nightmare is over"

DeLay: "I'm looking forward to being liberated outside the House, doing whatever I can to unify the conservative cause."
Translation: "I'm looking forward to fading away into obscurity"

DeLay: "This is totally a political operation, using our criminal justice system for political purposes and political gain,"
Translation: "Those Liberal bastards are using my own tactics against me better than I could"

DeLay:"This is probably the worst day of his (Democratic opponent Nick Lampson) campaign because he knows that any Republican who replaces me on the ballot will win this seat."
Translation: "Despite my earlier statements, almost any Republican is more electable than my sorry ass"

Goodbye D-bag. Happy trails.

MySpace

MySpace.com is in the news today so I would like to take a few minutes to point out the dbaggery of the site and its users. Don’t get me wrong, there are some positive uses for MySpace. Reconnecting with old friends or keeping track of old enemies can be fun. Unfortunately, the positive features are outweighed by the constant stream of BS that is Myspace.

Just a few reasons why MySpace is for d-bags:

1. People will “trick out” their profiles with templates and add-ons. Cutesy little personality tests clutter up the screen and advertise the shallow, vacuous qualities of the profilee. An example:

You Are an Appletini

Most of the time, you're a typical party girl / guy. But when you get super sauced, you really up your sex appeal.

What Mixed Drink Are You?

No, you are not an appletini, you’re an idiot.

2. The number of friends one has is tied to status. This leads to people adding virtual strangers to their friends list who they will never talk to. A sad, waste of time.
3. Constant friend requests from crappy bands or web-cam prostitutes are also annoying.

If you are a MySpace user, I implore you to stop. If you want to contact your friends, shoot them an e-mail or better yet, give them an old fashioned phone call.

Studies can tell us what we already know: Study Shows

The gratuitous reporting of study results has gone out of control. Here are a few study related headlines in the news today.

Study: Prayer didn't help sick
I'm glad someone finally answered that pressing scientific question. It only cost Harvard $2.4 million to figure it out.

Smoking and drinking increase risk of colon cancer
This study really came as a surprise.

Sugary drinks can eat your child's teeth
Breaking news: regular brushing and flossing also beneficial to dental health

Drinking may not have health benefits
The latest round in dueling studies that suggest moderate alcohol consumption may or may not be good for you.

Cell phone use can increase risk of brain tumors
I'll never use one again.

Antarctica is warming
No shit! Thanks National Geographic

Women aren't big fans of one night stands
This one is my favorite. This groundbreaking "study" suggests that women may actually be seeking committed, loving relationships. I never could have figured this out on my own. I'll have to rework my entire dating strategy.

Where would we be without studies?