The CCSD, now with 16% more sex

Sexual assault is a problem. A big problem. Chances are, we all know someone who has been affected by it. That's why I was infuriated when I read this story in the ABH yesterday. A 49 year old parapro claims she was sexually molested by a 7 year old student. She was supervising the lunch room when: "One of the boys allegedly grabbed the parapro's legs and ran his hands up to touch her crotch, police said." The woman filed a complaint with the Clarke County School District, and has since filed a complaint with the police department. I wouldn't be surprised to see a lawsuit against the CCSD soon to follow.

What makes this story particularly frustrating is that it delegitimizes real sexual assaults. Was this woman so incapable of handling the "advances" of a 7 year old boy, that she found it necessary to get the police involved? Did she consider that the 7 year old who committed these actions may have some emotional/developmental problems that could be best handled without police involvement? I'm guessing that the answer is no. Now this boy will face possible criminal charges and expulsion. Maybe the woman is a total basketcase who is unable to deal with an awkward situation with a pre-pubescent boy, but more likely she is a woman who's seeking financial gain. Either way she's a dbag for making this a sexual assault issue.

D-bag Roundup: K-Fed and C-Mac

Titanic D-bag Kevin Federline is actually covered in an ABH Story today regarding the release of his new rap album. Ridicule and shame will soon follow. Also, anyone who gives this guy money by purchasing his garbage is a d-bag.


Perennial embarrassment to Georgians, Cynthia McKinney, also grabs headlines for allegedly assaulting a DC cop. Wonkette covers the story.

Hannidate Thursday

"BuffaloHands" (his Hannidate profile name) wins the Hannidate profile of the week award. He's an ordained minister and likes to call his bible study group "Saturday Night Live."

It's getting more and more difficult to tell which of these profiles are fake and which are real.

Enjoy.

Bob Smith

Bob Smith is trying to cram through a bill to limit the length of county commission meetings with just 2 days left in the legislative session. The bill would make sure that government meetings end at midnight. Smith states that the bill isn't aimed specifically at Athens, but he does say that he has received complaints from this area. The ACC commission has had 6 meetings that have extended past midnight this year. JMAC covers the whole thing nicely.

Message to Bob Smith. Stop being a D-bag. If we want to have embarrassingly long commission meetings, that's our business. Get the sand out of your tighty-whiteys and please stick to your own area of government.

Village People dude not doin' so good

Village People "Cop" arrested on Drug and Gun Charges.
He was captured yesterday after he skipped bail and is facing 5 years. D-B-A-G

Ralph Reed Nuggets

Whenever I think it's impossible for Ralph Reed to be more of a tool, fresh news of his d-baggery is revealed, reinforcing my conviction that he is the biggest asshat in the universe. The AJC reported that because he was able to conceal the identity of his clients past the statute of limitations, he has evaded prosecution for illegaly lobbying in Texas.

Check out NPR's 6 Degrees of Jack Abramoff

Reed's best quote:

"Hey, now that I'm done with the electoral politics, I need to start humping in corporate accounts! I'm counting on you to help me with some contacts."

-- Reed, in an e-mail to Abramoff, November 1998

What a D-bag

Stacey

Stacey Reece (R-Gainesville) had a wedding shower. The event cost $1,091 and was be paid for by 21 lobbyists, half of whom brought gifts. Aren't wedding showers something most men avoid like flesh eating bacteria? More importantly, why is Reece letting the lobbyists pay for this relatively inexpensive function? Most politicians are image conscious about their ties to lobbyists right now so inviting a bunch of them to a wedding shower isn't the brightest move. I hope the towels from Bed Bath & Beyond were worth it.

AJC Story

Hasselhoff

He denies beating his wife, but I'll assume he's guilty anyway.

Fun no longer legal in Texas

This might be one of biggest D-bag moves in the history of mankind.

Texas Alcohol Beverage Commission officials are going under cover in bars and ticketing individuals who they deem drunk, even if they have no intention of driving. One man was ticketed while walking to his hotel room after having a few beers at the hotel bar. No breathalyzer test is required, so officers can arrest anyone who they decide is drunk. They aren't just writing tickets, they are taking people to jail. This new effort gives D-bag pseudo-cops way to much power to arbitrarily arrest people. I won't be traveling to Dallas anytime soon.

The Hannitization of the Dekalb Police Dept.

ABH: Bumper sticker a ticket to free speech fight

Dekalb police take a break from ticketing folks for Driving While Black to issue a citation for the bumper sticker pictured on the left. When the officer started to lecture Ms. Grier, she cut him off and asked for the ticket which he issued for the “lewd” bumper sticker. Bushit isn’t a word and “lewd” tends to have a sexual connotation so Dekalb police will have egg on their face if this one goes to court.

A hearty D-bag salute goes out to the officer that’s responsible for this.

Phil Spector

It's good to see that Spector is taking his murder trial seriously. He must be going for the "yes I am crazy enough to kill that model" look.

I don't think Spector will be nicknamed "The Hammer of C Block" when he's sent to prison.

D-bag Update

Former D-bag of the day Chip Rogers is none to happy that a local Hispanic newspaper has printed photos of his home. The article also included a map with directions. The paper hasn't been named, but Rogers believes it was done to intimidate him and his family.

Rogers blames this on "those who would stop at nothing to continue to profit from illegal labor."

11 Alive story

Hannidate: part deux

This Guy wins the Hannidate potential serial killer of the week award. "Boyscout," yes that's his Hannidate profile name, enjoys ping pong, Rush, and Sean (of course). He is willing to shave his mustache if the right woman asks.

Look out ladies!!!

Afghanistan

CNN: Death could await Christian convert

Abdul Rahman faces the death penalty in Afghanistan for converting to Christianity. The Afghan constitution, based on Sharia law, allows the application of the death penalty for apostates. Rahman’s case is unclear because the constitution also specifies that “Followers of other religions are free to exercise their faith and perform their religious rites within the limits of the provisions of law.”

The U.S. and allies are pissed off and President Karzai is caught in the middle. Karzai is maintaining neutrality on the case although he would have to authorize the execution if Rahman is convicted. Rep Tom Lantos wrote to Karzai stating, "In a country where soldiers from all faiths, including Christianity, are dying in defense of your government, I find it outrageous that Mr. Rahman is being prosecuted and facing the death penalty for converting to Christianity." German officials have even threatened intervention if Rahman is found guilty.

The Afghan Government seems to be clinging to the destructive Islamic mentality of the Taliban. Way to go D-bags.

Western Europe

All of this havoc in Western Europe leads me to believe that Americans are a lot better off than the French and Spanish; or they just might be bigger d-bags than us. Protests in France have turned violent in recent days, when presumably unemployed students took to the streets. What caused sll of this anger that turned to violence?........ Employment reform.

The new law that's causing the protests allows employers to lay off workers under 25 who have been employed less than 2 years. Sounds pretty reasonable to me. I wonder what they would do if they had to live under Georgia's "right to work" laws. These protests seem particularly unreasonable coming so soon on the heels of the violent Muslim rioting.

The kids in Spain know how to fight for their rights.... To Party. Youth all over Spain engaged in mass "Botellones" to protest new laws that prevent them from getting drunk in public. Evidently they're too poor to buy drinks in bars, so they buy a lot of booze and get loaded in town centers. This has led to a number of problems. Increased injuries, sexual assaults, and of course the overwhelming odor of urine and vomit, have prompted lawmakers to crack down on this public boozing. At least we can afford to get ridiculously drunk in BARS in America.

If you combine the incidents in France and Spain with the "Pounds for Peerages" scandal in the UK, Western Europe isn't looking too good this week.

Secondary D-bag for today: This guy

Here are some blasts from the past by him:

Editorial on FEMA chief was 'almost laughable'

Cartoon of soldier was in poor taste

Wah wah wah. Words are hurting the feelings of the president and soldiers. It is a good thing the soldiers on the battlefield are out of touch* when it comes to current news, otherwise they would be crying all the time because of letters to the editor and political cartoons.

*Not badmouthing soldiers, just stating a fact. They get orders and carry em out - very little news gets to them.

Special thanks to Ned for providing this one

Dbags for Monday: Part Deux

Shiite pilgrims observe the 40th day of mourning for the Prophet's grandson. (photo from Drudge). These guys take their mourning pretty seriously. It's good to know that the U.S. is supplying instruments for self flagellation. I'm glad we didn't have to do this for St. Patrick's day.

Mother Nature

Today's D-bag courtesy of Publius from AthPo.

Thanks to GP for letting me guest-blog today's daily douchebag.

Today's douchebag is none other than good ol' Mother Nature herself. Face it folks, you've got wildfire conditions in Texas, a huge snowstorm trundling through the Midwest, severe storms and tornados in Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama, and did I mention that it's about 40 degrees here in Georgia? That's some world-class climatic douchebaggery.

Thanks a lot, Mother Nature, for ruining the first day of Spring in most of the US. Way to go, mythical d-bag.

Sensattional revolution in meedicine!

"Fran Suarez" sent me this e-mail:

-Sensattional revolution in meedicine! -Enlarge your p`enis up to 10 cm or up to 4 inches! -It's herbal solution what hasn't side effect, but has 100% guaranteeed results! -Don`'t loose your chance and but know wihtout doubts,, you will be impressed with results!!!!

It's an exciting development, but it leaves several questions unanswered. How did Fran know that I was dissatisfied with the size of my p' enis and that enlarge up to 10cm or 4 inches! was exactly the kind of increase I was looking for? I'm wary of using "drugs" prescribed by "doctors" so its good to know that It's herbal solution what hasn't side effect. The 100% guaranteeed is also very reassuring. I don't have any more time to write this post because I Don `'t want to loose my chance to be Impressed with results!!!

I don't know who bothers me more, the d-bag spammers that send this stuff, or the pathetic individuals who respond to these emails and keep the spammers in business. Thanks D-bags.

Tom Cruise and Scientology

Several media outlets are reporting that Tom Cruise is responsible for Comedy Central's decision to pull the airing of the "Trapped in the Closet" South Park episode. The theory is that Cruise threatened to stop promoting Mission Impossible III, which is owned by Comedy Cental's parent company Viacom, unless the episode was pulled. This story follows Isaac Hayes' departure because of the show's "mocking of religion."

This cult-like "religion" is exercising control over it's followers, Cruise and Hayes, by using them to silence critics of scientology. Scientologists also use drawn out litigation as a tool to discourage criticism.

Scientologists believe:

1. The evil lord Xenu is imprisoned on a mountain by a force field powered by an eternal battery.

2. Christianity was an evil operation mounted by beings called Targs.

3. Psychology is evil.

What a bunch of Douches.

Sexual Assault?

Chicago Sun Times: Man Severs Own Penis, Throws It At Officers.

Jakub Fik takes the D-bag honors today for throwing his own bloody penis at the cops. The man was having problems with his girlfriend and went on a destructive rampage in a suburb of Chicago. When confronted by the police, he started throwing knives at the officers. When he ran out of knives, he threw his own penis. He then went into his house to get more knives. The police gave him the Taser treatment and took him into custody. They were nice enough to retrieve his penis and take it to the hospital where it was eventually reattached. No police were harmed by the penis.

The Pentagon

That's right, the pentagon is the D-bag of the day. Well...not exactly the pentagon itself, but their new cyborg insect plan. The info-graphic on the left isn't fake, it's from a bona fide BBC story.

The plan is to build an army of cyborg insects that can be remotely controlled to check out explosives and other stuff. What will this cost, you ask? Only a mere 2 billion dollars. The fact that the military is developing "cyborgs" makes me a little bit nervous. Fortunately, experts say that this project is ludicrous and will fail. Who needs body armor when you've got cyborg butterflies?

Star Wars VII- The Quest For More Money

George Lucas has decided to write a Star Wars television series. Filming is projected to begin in 2008 with a planned release later that year. Younger readers might not be aware that Lucas used to make good movies, such as American Graffiti, and the first three Star Wars films. In an attempt to destroy his reputation and credibility, Lucas released the final three movies in the Star Wars saga. He managed to destroy these promising movies with awkward halting dialogue, and characters like Jar Jar Binks. His new television series promises to make Lucas an even more grotesque caricature of the competent filmmaker that he once was.

Attention Target Shoppers

Claude Allen sits high atop Mount D-bag this week. He was arrested on Thursday for theft related to fraudulent returns and refunds at several department stores. A police investigation revealed 25 separate instances of obtaining refunds with receipts for items he had already purchased. Allen resigned last month as Bush's top domestic policy advisor citing a desire to "spend more time with family." He admitted today that he had made fraudulent returns at a Target store on January 2.

This story is particularly delightful because Allen is an extremely self righteous D-bag who believes sex education should only be teaching abstinence, and who has been called a "notorious homophobe" by his political opponents. This episode of adolescent thrill seeking will cost him his career at the price of a few items from Target. Way to go Claude!

Campbell Prosecution

Today's D-bag is not former Atlanta mayor Bill Campbell, but the bumbling federal prosecutors who were unable to convict him of serious charges. Campbell was found guilty of three counts of tax evasion but was cleared corruption and racketeering charges.

Said one juror, " ....on the corruption, we kind of figured he was guilty, but they couldn't prove it. So we couldn't convict." Despite an overwhelming amount of evidence, the prosecution, led by Assistant U.S. Attorney Sally Yates, was unable to convince the jury to convict on federal RICO charges. This leads to the assumption that either the jury was stupid or the prosecution inept.

Other D-bags in the news this weekend include- State Rep. Chip Rogers (R-Woodstock) who shepherded SB 529 through the senate, and former genocidal maniac Slobadan Milosevic who grabbed headlines by dying in prison.

On The Record

Greta Van Susteren annoys me. Her popular show, On The Record, endlessly covers the stories of missing or murdered white women. Does anyone really care that much about Natalie Holloway? If so, why? I can't decide who is more of a D-bag, Greta or the millions of viewers who mindlessly watch her irrelevant show. Greta is also a scientologist, which automatically gives her an honorary degree from D-bag University.

Sonny

For attempting to destroy as much local control over schools as possible by setting arbitrary statewide standards, Sonny gets today's D-bag award. After passing his 65% solution to "funding problems", Sonny goes one step further by setting mandatory class size limits. This bill will create a number of problems. Gwinnett county, a school system that already has over 1000 trailer classrooms, will have to build an additional 500 to be in compliance with the law. Please find a better re-election strategy Sonny. AJC article.

Hannidate

Hey Ladies. Looking for a date? As long as you don't work for the government, and of course aren't "colored", here's your man. This Hannidate profile is the D-bag winner of the week.

Crystal Hills Brawl

AJC reports Crystal Hills Brawl. The D-bag award today is split between Mason Bently (pictured on left in his 1975 high school photo) and UGA Regent Donald Leeburn Jr. It looks like the 68 year old Leeburn beat the 49 year old Bently severely. Bently was taken to the hospital and treated for a broken nose and a punctured and collapsed lung. To make the story even more bizarre, the whole thing was witnessed by UGA Gymnastics coach Suzanne Yoculan. The incident started with an argument over their dogs barking and quickly escalated. Leeburn told the police that after the fight, Bently threatened to retreive his AK-47 from his house. Leeburn has been in the news for using the UGA name in his wine business in violation of the Regents policy. These D-bags have set a fine example for all of us.

Yanni

Washington Post reports Yanni Arrested in Alleged Dispute.

It appears that he told his younger girlfriend to get out of his house and then slapped her. The article reports that he may have injured his hand in the dispute. One word....Classy.

Eggs and Issues

The Hartwell Sun reports that Nancy Schaefer (R-Turnerville) made a strange comment at an Eggs and Issues meeting on Saturday.

Commenting on illegal immigration, Schaefer said 50 million abortions have been performed in this country, causing a shortage of cheap American labor. "We could have used those people,"she said.

This implies that those pesky poor people are depriving the state of a cheap labor source by shortsightedly ending their unwanted pregnancies. Nancy is expected to sponsor "SB789-A modest proposal" this week, Also known as the Soylent Green initiative.

Ann

Ann Coulter takes the honors of being the first female D-bag of the day, although her large hands and prominent adam's apple leave some doubts. Coulter has a long list of D-bag accomplishments. A primary theme of her book Treason, was the portrayal of Joseph McCarthy as a great American hero. She also stated in an interview that "Joe McCarthy is the deceased person I admire most." Her other political stances include, a statement of support for public flogging of juveniles, the assertion that it would be a better country if women did not vote, and a defense of killing civilians in war. She's in the news this week for a speech she gave at Indiana University titled "Liberals Are Wrong About Everything." In the speech she claimed that liberals "hate god and hate America", and called an audience member "gay boy" in response to his question. Unfortunately, this will probably result in more book sales for Ann by people who for some reason find her witty and attractive. More here.

Gay Penguins Strike Again

Gay-penguins, a threat to heterosexuals everywhere, have shocked the sensibilities of the populace of Savannah, MO. The book, And Tango Makes Three, is the subject of controversy at the local library. The book follows the true story of 2 male penguins in the New York Central Park Zoo who formed a pair bond and adopted an abandoned egg together. Two branches of the local library moved the book from the children's section, to the nonfiction area after several parents complained. After the move, the librarian stated that there was less of a chance that "the book would blindside someone." The complaining parents, who seem to believe that reading a children's book about penguins will turn their children into depraved homosexuals, have proved themselves to be spectacular D-bags. Thanks to their efforts, the mouth-breathing fundamentalists of Savannah, Missouri can sleep easily.

Double R

Ralph Reed's D-bag status is confirmed in this AJC article. It further links Reed with Abramoff while they were working together on behalf of gambling interests. Ralph Reed=Titanic D-bag. View Ralph's MySpace profile here.

Robert Holcombe: Master Criminal

Robert Holcombe tried to kill his wife 5 times for her life insurance money and failed each time. He attempted to:

1. Break the natural gas line to the water heater, hoping the house would explode.
2. Left the car running in the garage in order to fill the house with carbon monoxide.
3. Poison her with Percoset.
4. Poison her with Benadryl.
5. Pay his son to kill her.

His son went to the police and later tape recorded a conversation for evidence. Holcombe blew an inheritance worth about $130,000 at Tiffany's (the strip club, not the jeweler) and was hoping to spend his wife's life insurance money there too. What a classy D-bag. Read AJC story.

The Passion of the Stapp

It's not exactly breaking news, but Scott Stapp has lost a sex video. He made the video in '99 with Kid Rock and a few strippers. He is suing a production company which has obtained the video with plans to release it for sale. Stapp is so obviously a D-bag, that no further explanation is required. Link to preview of the sex video HERE.

Speech Police D-bags

The administration of Overland High School in Aurora, Colorado takes the D-bag honors for today. Jay Bennish, an American History teacher at the school was suspended Thursday for violating a school policy that requires "balanced viewpoints" in the classroom.
One of Bennish's students tape recorded a portion of class discussing Bush's state of the union address and played the tape for his father, who complained to the administration. Some comments were made in the discussion comparing Bush to Hitler. This suspension has nothing to do with "balanced viewpoints" and everything to do about the comments that Bennish made about the President. This suspension also rewards smart-ass kids who record classroom lectures and discussions. Bad Idea. My bumbling and inept attempts to contact Mr. Bennish for comment were a failure. Read more here.

The Peoples Republic of Glam Rock

Paul Francis Gadd, aka British Glam rocker Gary Glitter, is on trial in the Ba Ria Vung Tau Provincial People's Court for molesting two Vietnamese girls. Mr. Glitter pleaded guilty to 54 counts of downloading child pornography in Great Britain in 1997. Bored with molesting British children, Glitter moved to Cuba then eventually Cambodia, where he was expelled in 2002 for trawling for child sex. Glitter moved to Vietnam, about 130km south of Ho Chi Minh City where he applied for permanent resident status. Glitter faces death by firing squad if found guilty. The verdict in the closed trial is expected tomorrow. Glitter is divorced and has 2 children. His other accomplishments include, bankruptcy for back taxes in 1980, an overdose of sleeping pills in 1986, and 3 DUI's. Ironically, one of his most popular albums was titled "Touch Me". Lookin' Good D-bag

Contract of Wifely Duties

Smoking Gun: Sick "Marriage Contract" One For The Ages.
Any doubt about this guy's D-bagness will be dispelled by reading the link above. Mr. Frey (left) is facing charges of kidnapping his wife with a child pornography charge to go along with it. The "contract of wifely duties" presented as evidence in his trial is disturbingly precise in the details of his expectations.